I'm just an useless bum

I just think that this year is speeding off real FAST!

I don't know why!!!???

I thought New Year was just a few months ago and till now I'm still angry about that stupid dispute between me & my incorrigible cousin? And now it's already October! (Can imagine I can be angry for so long?! So don't angered me in any ways!! Or U shall die!)

2 months to END of 2005 & START of 2006

3 months to Chinese New Year

5 months to Prelims of my final year

6-7 months to my FINAL EXAMS!

10 months to my GRADUATION!




Ahhhhhhh.............................


Less than a year I'll join the labour force!!! Slogging all the way~


Nah...


Before talking about that... I couldn't imagine what my working life will be.... or rather what am I going to do in future??? Recently or rather yesterday, I went for a workshop, happened to be discussing what I'm going to do in future? In which 'desired' company? For what position? Answering questions that 'most probably asked' in job interviews..... Scary! Coz' I haven't even have the thought of how to answer those questions.


I don't dare to think of it. Frankly speaking.... I don't know!



You can call me an useless creature on Earth, wasting resources.... time....


Cos' I don't even know what's my aim & goal in life...


In the past, I will say "grad liao huh? Go find office job lor... earn sufficient $ to feed myself and family lor"


Now? "I don't know"


Cos' what office job? doing what? can't be just admin right? Grad leh! So de-grading~~~~ (these are the responses I got if I say "office job" )


When I was in Primary school, I hope to be a lawyer. Too bad, I'm not articulate and too shy to speak up. Trying to build up my confidence level, I wanted to participate in story telling competition. Rejected by the teacher, cos' at those days... teachers only picked those fave students who talked alot or rather responded well in class. Chance not given.

So when I reached Upper Primary, I want to be a singer. I joined the school's talentime, which surprised everyone. Yes... I won! Too bad, my parents don't really like the idea of me being a singer. Not financially enough to attend courses too. So better obey what my parents want me to be.

When I was in Secondary School, still thinking to be a singer.... in the process I decided to convert singing as my interest. Then, I hope to be a bank teller. I like to count $ but again too bad... my accounting sucks! I'm a lazy student lah.... so just managed to scrape through my O levels accounting. (*Erm... i assumed that there's some links between accounting & bank teller job*)

When I was in Pre-Uni, I hope to be working in a office and not anything else. My aspiration flies higher.... I wanted to work abroad as to see the world. My desired country is Japan. (*Perhaps my previous life is in Japan cos since young I lived in the dreamland of Japan) Too bad, I only studied Elementary Japanese and that doesn't help much cos the class was taken in community centre....sucky.....)

When I was in Uni, where I am now, I still want to work in Japan. Too bad after studying ICP, I realised that it's difficult for me to get there. I'm just an ignorant and unknowledgable girl. (Yah... my brain is empty)


So, I really can't imagine what happens in less than a year.




Some tell me to just get married off...... duhz..... after studying so much..... will u just marry yourself off without achieving something in life?(Or maybe people think that marrying someone is their greatest achievement in life)



Now I'm having my greatest regret for not having a detailed plan of my life since young. At least if u have a aim and u will then reach your goal one day.... no matter how hard u try.


Like me, don't have aim.... how to get to my goal? Cos' there's no goal!



PS: Dear readers, this entry may sound pessimistic. It does reflect how I feel right now. There might be excuses for each issue I mentioned....haha.... that's me lah... Don't worry for me~ I'll try to set an aim asap *hoping it's not too late....never too late* and work towards the goal. I shall not let others to be the 'obstacles' of my decision again... I'll lead my life by myself.